So very angry right now. Today where I live it is nearly ninety degrees out. I have a big dog who lives outside, and I heard him barking. Remember how hot I said it was. I'm wearing shorts, duh. So, I go outside to check on the dog. (There was a cat, nothing important.) I make sure the dog has water and food and is staying mostly cool, and I start to head back inside. Then, right as I'm about to go in, I hear a voice. "You should be ashamed!"
I turn around, because as far as I knew, I was the only one around, where is this person? There, on the sidewalk, is a skinny brunette woman I do not recognize. She's alone, and looking at me. In disgust. She says "you heard me! You should be ashamed! A girl as big as you should NOT be allowed to wear shorts! Ugh!" She then went on her way.
I bit my tounge and went inside. Yes. I am big. I won't ever deny this. But this shallow, hateful comment definely wasn't needed. I'm hurt, and though this was that woman's goal and I really have no reason to be, I am ashamed. Embarrassed, angry. Damn it, some people are just big! Even if I lost a hundred pounds, due to my bone structure, I will probably always appear big. I come from a family of big people. I have some physical issues that literally make it five times harder to lose weight. (You try to work out with one leg shorter than the other. It screws with everything!) But, though I'm big, I'm healthy: I love the fruit and veggies that come out of my backyard garden. I don't have any heart problems, no diabetes, any of that. I'm just big.
And yet, I should "be ashamed." For something that's actually beyond my control; something that for me is about as controllable as my skin color. I've maintained this weight for about five years now. I'm not just growing fatter and fatter, I try super damn hard to make sure I'm healthy.
But fat shaming is such a thing that a complete stranger feels completely entitled to tell a big person they should be ashamed for being big. And here I am, having to tell myself all the reasons she's wrong... Because on some level, I've been conditioned to believe her. AND THAT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!!